i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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