Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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