Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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