I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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