I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
