fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
