I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
