If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
