my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Bring me that man meat
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
