then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
