i barfeds in our rink
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
