Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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