The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
