Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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