Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
