She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
