You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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