Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
