my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
