Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
