9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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