I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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