I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
