That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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