the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
