when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
