i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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