You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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