I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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