Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
