i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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