Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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