my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
