he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
