forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
