I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
