Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
