It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
