Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
