you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
