I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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