i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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