So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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