i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
