It's like God shit irony all over that family
tonight lets celebrate not being married
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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