Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize