He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
