For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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