my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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