I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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