Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
