it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hippo gnu deer
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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